surviving childbirth

...Is something I have absolutely no experience with. But I imagine it is not fun.

However, I did make a helpful discovery about it today.

(Disclaimer... this is a TMI post. Not for those with weak stomachs or heart conditions.)

So I was in the bathroom for the something'th time, and I was hating life. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to being sick to my stomach in any way, shape, or form. (And no, it was not the "I'm pregnant" kind of stomach discomfort; it was the "I ate Indian food last night" kind of discomfort. So you can just put that thought aside, Mom ;))

Anyways, I thought to myself, Stomach pain has got to be the most miserable kind of pain. Then I thought, That's stupid; of course head pain is worse, because it's debilitating. (Yes, I do say semi-big words while having inside-brain-thoughts.) Then I rethought, No-- probably stomach pain-- if you count childbirth. Then that made me pretty scared, because I do hope to eventually do that whole bringing-of-children-into-the-world thing. 

And then I discovered how I would survive both my Day of a Thousand Bathroom Visits and said worst-stomach-pain-ever (a.k.a. Labor) when it finally comes to pass, despite being a total wimp and a half. 

I will play a game called Actually. And this is how it will go...

(During contractions...) 

This sucks. Nothing is worse than this. 

Actually pooping a large pumpkin would be worse than this. 

(During the sticking of needles in my back, because you best believe I will be medicated...) 

This is really the worst.  

Actually having bamboo shoots stuck under your fingernails would be worse than this.

(During more contractions...) 

Why do I want to die right now?

Actually you don't, because Chinese Water Torture would be way worse than this and this is no Chinese Water Torture.

(During the actual labor/C-Section...) 

I probably deserve a major award for this, because this is the worst pain in the world.

Actually William Wallis deserves a major award. He got his stomach cut open without medication. So suck it up, ya wuss!

And so forth...

Will this work? I have no idea. But the moral to the story is--- Wisdom Random Mind Tricks can come to you when you least expect it. Especially Even in a public restroom.

And now that you are probably all super-hungry because of the appetizing images I have shared with you, here's a peek at our favorite item at our favorite sushi joint...

You're welcome.